I am having an affair with my husband. I didn’t want anyone to know, but I feel I owe it to you to tell you. You see, it started innocently enough. We were missing each other during the day. I was working endlessly at home, while he was confined to the dreary workplace. It seemed day after day would pass with hardly a word between us other than the obligatory “How was your day?” I was lonely, and he, much distracted with so many responsibilities. Then one day… it just happened.
There I was, calmly going about my business, cleaning house, answering emails, feeding the dog, being a mom. Honestly, it’s just not the kind of thing you expect to happen as a work-at-home woman. I was wearing my typical uniform; “cleaning lady” clothes, hair in ponytail, no shoes, no makeup. I sat down at the computer to punch out a quick note to someone. Instead, I spontaneously and with no forethought, typed a note to my husband just trying to connect. One flirtatious little email in the middle of a mundane and non-descript day, and BOOM! It happened. The match was lit, the flame was fanned, and it was game on!
Throughout this otherwise typical day, a volley of coy comments and coquettish quips passed between us. I giggled and grinned with each exchange. I felt like a school girl with a hopeless crush, and before long I was falling head over heels again. My husband and I learned long ago that it is imperative to a successful marriage to never really “act married.” You must remain boyfriend and girlfriend because, honestly, marriage can kill a marriage. We hold hands, we kiss in public (which is utterly disturbing to our kids), we flirt, we dance, and we are committed to always promoting the best in each other – especially in public.
Once, early in our marriage, my husband made me the butt of a joke. I was crushed and told him so when we got home. From that point on we promised to never make fun of, belittle, or insult each other in public. What a great decision that was. We were also very careful not to complain about each other – especially, to our parents. We have found that negativity breeds negativity, but a positive word or attitude can turn everything around. We are careful not to ruminate on the faults and failings of the other, but to address them respectfully. It took some effort, but learning how to “fight” and get through our anger to a place of understanding – that is the best thing we ever managed for our marriage.
Even “boyfriends and girlfriends” can go through a dry spell. Especially in this day and age when we work long and grueling hours and the distractions are endless. What we have found is that a little contact during the day, a little harmless flirting, can recreate the joy of those early years of dating. I remember getting butterflies when I heard his car pulling in the driveway for a date. In the early days of our marriage I would frantically rush from work just to get home to see him. That kind of joy is Goodness. That kind of excitement and anticipation is Life-giving to a marriage.
I felt I should tell you about my little affair because I hope you will have one too – with that special someone in your life. If you are single right now, then tuck this hint away for the future. You never know when a little flirting might save the day. So, go ahead, flirt a little – it’s Good for you.
A “Good” Idea:
Find a way to bring a little excitement into your relationship. Write a poem, plan a special date, flirt with a text or email. Who knows what Goodness might come of it!