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How To Be Alone

Posted by Sooz on Monday, June 20, 2011 | 2 Comments

So many things connect us. We breathe the same air, drink the same water, we bleed, we cry, we desire and hope and want in much the same ways – we are human, together. But the reality is that our existence plays out in our own individual hearts and heads. Whether we are married or single, dating or going it alone – life is processed within the confines of self. We can be members of the same family, and still see a shared experience in totally different ways. We are all connected, and yet in some sense, we are all alone.

As a culture we have made it a sign of worth and value to be “with” someone. Somehow we have accepted the idea that we must be chosen by another human to be “O.k.” The truth is, being chosen does not guarantee any greater sense of belonging. You can feel just as alone in a marriage as out of one. But when we are secure in ourselves and able to open our hearts and share experiences with others – that makes life richer and deeper. Shared experience is part of the beauty of living.

Here is the bottom line as I see it. Before we can really open ourselves to sharing life with others, we must first learn to love and enjoy being alone. We have to find out how truly unique and beautiful we are. We have to be at peace with ourselves. We cannot look to another person to complete us or define us. We cannot depend on another to make us happy or give us purpose. We must be joyful and satisfied in our own skin. We must know who we are and not seek definition from someone else. Finding this content place of being allows us to come to a relationship without unrealistic expectations of the other person because we are already satisfied within ourselves.

Here at SaveGoodness, we talk about the importance of feathering your own nest – caring for your own heart, so that you are able to pass on goodness to others freely. We encourage you to seek beauty, trueness, love and life-giving things everyday in order to fill your heart and build a safe nest for it. This is a key part of learning to love your own life. You have to make a place inside yourself that you love – where you enjoy being. If you do this, then no matter what happens in life – you can cope.

We want to encourage you, whether you are married or single, in a relationship or not, to practice being alone. Learn to listen to your own thoughts, enjoy your own company, and be proud enough of your own unique loveliness to strike out alone and see what happens – see what beauty and joy you attract.

The following video is one of the most touching and vulnerable things we have seen in a long time. It is our beautiful thing for you today and we hope you will drink it in. The poet/performer is Tanya Davis and she knows the secret beauty and strength of being alone.



2 Responses

  1. Sharyn Auzinger says:

    Love this. I think it was author Iyanla Vanzant who talked about the difference between being “by yourself” versus being “with yourself”.

    • Sooz says:

      Oh!! I love that. So important to be able to enjoy being with yourself. Then being by yourself is no big deal. Thanks Sharyn!

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