Did you know that you have a Love Language? So does everyone you care about. We all have a way that we like to be loved, a “language” that communicates deeply to our hearts. I hope you were able to take a few minutes and complete the quiz introduced in part 1 of this post. If not, we strongly urge you to go to The 5 Love Languages website and take their free quiz. (click here when you are ready) It will help you know more about your own heart and how it works.
Here is an interesting thing about humans. We tend to see the world from our own perspective and seldom realize that other people, even the ones we live with, have very different needs and ways of dealing with life. We assume that what works for us is what ought to work for everyone else. If we want to be loved a certain way, they must want that too. The truth is, we all have different love languages and we need different things to make us feel safe, secure, and loved. The important thing to realize is that you can love someone the way you want to be loved and it may not meet THEIR need at all. Wouldn’t it be better to learn what your family and friends need instead of giving them what you think they need? I bet you would like for them to do the same for you. Imagine a world where people were actually getting their needs met! When you know how to love the people around you well, then life goes better for everyone.
What did you find out about yourself from the quiz? What is it that makes you feel most loved? Do you need: Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality Time, or to Receive Gifts? I (Sooz) scored highest on Quality Time, so did Meri Lee, who is the other half of the Save Goodness team. We both had close second and third languages that are important as well, but for us, the number one way we feel loved is spending quality time with people. When someone gives me their undivided attention without looking at their watch or acting like they have something else to do, it makes me feel important and valued. I love to be able to talk openly and share my heart without fear of judgment and without having to rush or worse, hide part of myself. It is deeply satisfying for both of us when Meri and I get to spend quality time together which is one of the reasons we get along so well.
But what if you score low on something and the people around you really need that love language. For instance, my daughter scored very high on physical touch and I scored very low on it. She needs touch and I don’t like too much of it. What should we do? We both know each other’s needs and sometimes it’s challenging to adjust, but we respect each other and we try hard to remember how the other feels. Talking about it also helps. Sometimes I need her to come to me and say, “I just need a hug.” I will more than happily take time for that, but it might not be my first instinct to hug her at that very moment.
Let me suggest that you encourage your whole family to take the test. If you have children 5-8 there are some helpful suggestions on how to begin to determine their love language, children 9-12 can take their own test and there is a specific test for teenagers as well. After everyone has taken it, sit down together (at our house we call a “family meeting” – anyone can call a meeting at any time for important things). Take some time as a family and share your love language results. Get specific with each other about what makes each person feel loved. Most importantly, write this information down and display it in a place where everyone can see it. It will help you remember and be more intentional. With a little practice you will begin to know instinctively what language everyone prefers. Make it a fun challenge and start some good heart conversation. If you do this with younger children and keep it up, those difficult teenage conversations will come much more naturally.
For more in-depth understanding of your Love Language you can read Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages. It is available on Amazon. (some copies are less than $10.00)
At SaveGoodness our goal is to help you focus on your heart because we know that with healthy hearts, Goodness will be preserved. Knowing your own and your families Love Languages is a simple and practical way to do a little heart work and make the world you live in a better place. If you make this effort you will be amazed at how much more connected you feel with your spouse and other family members. Sometimes you have to push yourself to give what does not come naturally to you – but it is energy worth investing because it creates Openness and Love – and that is Goodness!
Let us know about your experience with the test and sharing with the family.
Find out more about your Love Language in Part 2 of The 5 Love Languages.